Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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