Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
