How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
