she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I looked at my own cervix.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
