Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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