A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
