EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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