My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
