People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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