Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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