the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
