So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
