You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
