i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
