You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
