I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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