it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
