Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
