They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
