I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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