They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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