my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
