God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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