is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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