I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
