Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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