Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
