i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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