You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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