And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
