"it" just moved
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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