You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
