yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
