did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
