Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
