There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
