Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
