I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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