Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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