he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
