Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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