This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
