I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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