You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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