I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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