yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
