Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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