FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
