Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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