some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
