I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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