3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
