how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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