You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
