hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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