I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
