sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
