So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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