I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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