yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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