Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
