did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found puke in my bra..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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