He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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