dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
