Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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