Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
