so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
