fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
