just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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