The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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