I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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