So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
