you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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