I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
