god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
