I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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