its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
