Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
