Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
